People (not everyone of course) tend to attribute the phrase "in the closet" to being gay. However, I'm 100% straight, but for the first part of my life, I was unable to comprehend my sexual needs, which revolved around plastic and PVC and asphyxiation. At that time, I was in my early teens, and wasn't aware of the word "fetish." At school, some girls wore shiny jackets, or plastic flat shoes, or shiny pants, and in some cases, PVC jackets. I was unable to focus on those days, as fantasies took over my mind. I was unable to discuss this with anyone since this meant actually speaking face to face. The anonymity of the Internet was years away. In the mid 70's my father received a "joke gift" from my brother; "the joy of sex." I was amazed to find a small section that spoke about something sexually deviant, where the women would wear a clear plastic rain coat. I was amazed that this was actually defined and known to be related to sexuality. Despite all this, I was still in the closet for many more years, since my fetish also included auto-asphyxiation. Oh yes, I was "sick" according to my own definition.

We now jump to the mid 1990's and the advent of consumer Internet. I got connected and began to explore the wonders of this new medium. The buzz in the early days was something called "Alta-Vista" which was a search engine. Then it occurred to me that I could search for anything, regardless of how deviant in nature. I typed "plastic asphyxiation" and was greeted with hundreds (early days don't forget) of results. There were people talking about this and there were photos and web sites, like This was also the moment that I learned the term "auto erotic asphyxiation." My world had been revised. I wasn't out of the closet publicly, but I was out of my own personal closet. I had a girlfriend who I mentioned this to at the time. She hadn't a clue of this, or anything related to it, so needless to say, we didn't last much longer. Nice.

I believe that being gay is something akin to my story, as I know how it feels to think you are abnormal, or "sick" because your sexuality isn't like others. My "normal" was to have sex with a girl/women who would be wearing plastic or PVC of some kind, and possibly use that to asphyxiate me. How is that so different than someone attracted to someone of the same sex, while everyone around them wanted the other sex?

My question to anyone who wants to share; When did you come out of the deviant sexual behaviour closet, personally and/or your exterior life?

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